Show the Way, Don’t Condemn Link to heading

Arrian recorded Epictetus’s teaching: “You too should show your opponent the truth — and you’ll see that he will yield. But until you do, don’t scorn or mock him. Instead, look closely at your own weakness and incapacity.”

Another passage from the Discourses adds: “If you must involve yourself in judging the faults of others—which is against nature—do so with pity, not with hatred. Let go of your moral outrage. Let go of hatred.”

People often have a natural tendency to judge others. We see someone’s actions and immediately think, “That makes no sense,” or “There was clearly a better way.” Instead of taking the time to calmly show another perspective, it’s easy to slip into inner frustration or quiet disapproval. I sometimes catch myself doing exactly that, especially in situations that affect me directly or influence the team I lead.

The problem is, anger or irritation rarely lead to change. And if I don’t even attempt to show the truth, I have no real right to be upset. Even more so, from a Stoic point of view, being upset by the actions of others — something clearly outside my control — is itself a failure of judgment. The only thing truly mine is how I choose to respond.

These words remind us that when we do react to someone’s mistakes, we should do so with empathy and the intention to understand. As a leader, I know that my influence doesn’t begin with judgment. It begins with clarity, patience, and the courage to communicate.

We are not Cato. But as Epictetus reminded his students, the goal isn’t perfection — it’s progress. To act a little more wisely today than yesterday. And in that spirit, the role of a good man is not to condemn, but to show the way.

Note: The translations of Epictetus’s teachings used here are inspired by both modern English editions and the 1961 Polish translation by Leon Joachimowicz, based directly on the original Greek. This rare edition offers a powerful and emotionally resonant interpretation that continues to shape my understanding of Stoic philosophy.